The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
