I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
