Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
