youre lurking in front of me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
