oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived