she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap