do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
