There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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