You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
