you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
