i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize