Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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