Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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