i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
