saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
there is glitter all over my balls
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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