you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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