so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
