Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
