When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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