Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
your parents love me but you hate me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Randomize
Follow @tfln