I am in a vortex of obligation.
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"