I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.