I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.