Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
