OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.