sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!