I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"