He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.