he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.