So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
