My liver just broke up with me...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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