whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
