I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
