it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
