U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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