You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
