with your own penis?
if only i could text you this smell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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