So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.