So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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