This house was built for laser tag.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away