dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!