Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?