it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located