Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
