I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
