im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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