mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize