so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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