Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
