Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
