I am midnight drunk by noon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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