I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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