tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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