We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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