I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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