And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
