Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
