i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
