You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
