Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
a search helicopter?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
