I hate your face
that's an acceptable place to lick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
