The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize