we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
