i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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