I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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