hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
