Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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