i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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