somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
